A New Year Entry

Nothing really special happened. But I figured a new year warranted an entry. So anyway, I was kinda depressed yesterday because...I'M OLD!!! God, it's not fair! I'm old enough to buy cigarettes. Geez. And before I know it, I'll be married with a bunch of kids and I'll have published no books. This sucks. So I made a resolution to write a 365-page book. I know it's cheesy, but I think I can do it. It's not too much, y'know? I've figured out what my Song of the Year is: Tatto by Jordan Sparks. I used to listen to it at school all the time. It just...sort of defines my year. So my other resolutions are:

1. Read 100 books
2. Lose a few pounds
3. Eat healthier
4. Stay away from Creepy Alex-like guys
5. Write 2 365-page books
6. Be nicer to my sisters

That's all I can think of right now, and I don't feel like typing anymore.


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Another Entry because it's what I do

I am talking to Dana on Yahoo! Messenger. She's in Yemen, and we really miss her. She's the crazy lady who drives us nuts. She's sick with E. Coli food poisoning, has a kidney infection, and gallstones. She's having surgery soon, and she's asking me for advice because I had gallbladder surgery a year ago. She hates it in Yemen because her husbands family is EXTREMELY conservative and the women and men don't ever see each other. She hardly ever gets to see her husband, and her 2-year-old daughter is being teased by the other kids. I don't know if it's because she's American, or what, but I feel sorry for her. She's adorable and it's her birthday today. I miss them and I can't wait for them to come home.

On another note, I'm taking an Arabic class this spring, and an old friend from my high school said she's taking THE SAME CLASS! If Cool Alex takes the class it should be an exciting semester. I wish Ben would be at Longview this spring, but I don't know if he will. I looked up James on Facebook, and I found a couple of people with his name, but only one of them really looked like him. I hope it's him because I'd like to add him to my Facebook. He's an artist and a writer and he's hot.

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First Day Back

First day back to MNI, first day back at college...yeah. So I was freezing this morning. I don't think you understand. I was so cold that when I walked into the library, my fingers had to THAW OUT before I could turn on the computer. They were that numb, and it was PAINFUL. So I have Theater & the Western World at nine. It's now almost 8:30. I am kind of excited about that class. After that, at 10, I have British Lit. I think I'm going to drop that class. I don't really want to, but I'm taking five classes, and one of them is a five-credit class. So I don't think I want to bother.

I saw a guy from my old high school. He waved. I smiled. His name is Qasim. He's pretty cool. I really hope I get to see Alex today. Even if it's only for a few minutes, I'm hoping he'll show up. But then again, we taking the same Arabic class, so I'm bound to see him tonight.

My toe is killing me. A few days ago, I tripped on the stairs in my house and bruised my toe. The tall skinny toe beside the hallux(big toe). And I have tennis shoes on, so I can really feel it.

Holy Crap! You guys will never guess who I see! Alex! No, not the Cool Alex. The CRAZY Alex. OH MY GOD!!! HELP!!! *runs to the computer lab in the other building!*

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My Awesome Day!

So I was in the library typing away on MNI, and something compels me to look to my right. There I see...Creepy Alex! Ugh! So I scat! No kidding. I left and went to the learning resources center. Well, I went to my first class: Theater & the Western World. Well, halfway through the class, someone walks in late. I turn around and see...WAHEEB! Waheeb is this guy I went to high school with. His sister is one of my best friends. It was pretty cool. Then when class ended, I went down the hall to my next class: British Lit. It was dark and the teacher wasn't there yet, so I waited by the door. Guess who showed up! Ben! He's one of the guys from my Creative Writing class last semester. How awesome is that? We talked for a bit and he headed off to his next class. So I'm standing there waiting, and Waheeb walks my way, only he's with someone. I looked closer and saw...AYMAN!!! He's another guy I went to high school with. So he was all, "Hey, how's it going?" I'm all, "Good. You?" Then I went into British Lit and it was pretty cool, but I don't think I can handle five class AND an intensive writing course, so I'm dropping it.

Tonight, I have Arabic, and Alex and DaRhae are also taking the class. it should be fun! I can't wait!

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An Awesome Phone Call

Hehe! Me and Kima called Wil today. Yeah, hallowedout. He's SUCH a hottie. Even though he's two years younger than me. But that's OK. So I'm kidnapping him from his parents and bringing him back to the Show-Me State with me. Oh yes! And we'r'e having two or three kids together. Kima thinks I'm crazy, and I'm sure Wil does too, but what can I say? I have a soft spot for hotties. And he said "I love you" in Romanian. Oh. My. God. And then I told him "I love you" in Arabic. So yeah... *sigh* And of course, he doesn't have a real-life girlfriend (yeah, not-so-subtle-me asked) so if he ever comes to my town, HE'S MINE!! 

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Arabic!

Well, I went Arabic class yesterday. If it were not for Alex and DaRhae, I would have been BORED out of my mind. It was fun and amusing, but it was the ALPHABET! I mean, yes, I was expecting that, but I just wasn't expecting to be bored. The teacher changed everybody's name to an Arab name. Alex is Saif, and DaRhae is Hakima (I suggested that). The teacher started writing names down on the bored, and asked me to help her find some Arab names. I suggested Amira, then Hakima, then Hana. Hehe! I was gonna suggest Amina, too, but she stopped when we got to Hana. Anyway, she asked what name everybody would like and I raised my hand. She's like, "Yes?" And I'm like, "Can I have 'Amira'?" Everybody started laughing. She was really fun. Of course, she reminded me of her husband who taught me a few classes in high school, so I was pretty happy with the class. Sure, it's a slow pace for me, but I'll live. And anyway, there's this REALLY CUTE guy in our class. Even DaRhae thinks so. Usually she disagrees with me because she thinks I have what she calls "white taste." I'm attracted to white guys, so sue me. Actually, that's not true. I like black guys too. I think it's normal for a person to lean toward their own race. Although that wouldn't explain why I'm not usually attracted to Arabs. Maybe it's not so much their looks as much as their stupidity. Because Arab guys* are a bunch of idiots. They're also extremely stubborn. And Arab women are even worse. Thank God I'm only half-Arab. I'll come back in about two hours to tell you how my creative writing class goes.

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Is it Right to Regret?

That's a tough question. I think my answer is yes and no. I mean, sure, everything you do shapes you into who you are. I agree about that. But is it really right to do something wrong and not feel a bit regretful about it? Because even though it shapes you into who you are, what if you're affecting those around you? What if they did not want to be affected by a decision YOU made? I'll give you an example: attempting suicide.
When my mom attempted suicide, she not only cause herself to end up in a psych ward, but she affected her family. So is it right for her not to regret her actions? It's kind of like causing a person harm. Don't we appologize if we've somehow hurt a person? Aren't we regretful when someone gets harm by a choice we made? When other people are involved, you must regret your actions. Because if you regret something, you're sure not to do it again.

Of course, one can always argue that sitting around regretting the past isn't healthy. I agree...sort of. I mean, I think we should regret our action, but no forever. We can look back on them eventually and say, "Wow! I learned a lot from that." And even though we don't regret, that doesn't mean we have to repeat our actions. Ask forgiveness, move on with life, become a better person. Isn't that how it goes? Better to make your mistakes when you're younger so that you don't ruin your life when you're older.

I've made mistakes in my life. I did regret them, but I learned to move on and let the past go. Now I just look back at them and think of them as lessons rather than mistakes. Although I'd much rather learn from someone else's mistakes...much easier.   

So to some it up, I say regret it at the time, but don't spend your whole life regretting one incident. Learn from it and move on.

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Update!    

I'm in pain. My entire body aches, and I have no idea why. I'm hungry. Blah! Strange thing I saw this morning. A couple connected by a chain. No seriously. They were actually each wearing one end of a chain. How odd...

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More appropriate update! 

OK, since my video is being a [insert choice curse word] I am going to ramble a bit. I'm EXTREMELY exhausted, and I do not believe that the above entry was sufficient. I went to bed last night at two-ish, and I know that's not enough sleep, but why am I in so much gosh dang pain? I literally ache from head to toe. What the hell?

I really don't know what to rant about, but yeah. So I made the lovely dynasty video, and I finished it, but it won't upload onto Youtube. It's being a [insert choice curse word]. So I'm uploading it onto Photobucket instead. Hopefully someday it will work and I'll be able to Youtube it.

I feel horrible because I left out a few people. I didn't mean to. I just didn't know. Hmmm...I will give the people who I left out honorable mentions on my first page. Not that that really makes up for it, but what else can I do? I really would go back and fix it, but it's a HUGE pain in the butt. Way too much drama for me!

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All in Good Fun

OK, I s'pose I had this coming. I'm glad a lot of you enjoyed the MNI Dynasty, but for those who didn't, I'd like to extend my apologies. I would just take it off of Youtube, but I don't want to ruin it for those who enjoyed it. So...
If you guys want, I'll make another one. It would of course be more organized (no less confusing, though).

It actually started when I realized that I was connected to the Van der Oso family. I looked further into it and realized that they were connected to other people, and then my sisters branched of and got married and connected themselves to other MNIers. I was just going to draw up a genuine family tree, but I have a thing for making videos, so I thought I would make the video. That's when I started asking around and realizing that MNI is just one BIG family.

I mean, wasn't that the whole idea of MNI? To bring together people from all around the globe who share one common interest: Harry Potter? So I said, "Hey, this is a good way to break tension and let people get to know people."

Because haven't you noticed that even though we are all CoSers, there are people you've never talked to? I remember I used to be intimidated by those people who had a LOAD of friends. Even scarier were the staffers. Eventually I realized that they're pretty friendly people. But it took me FOREVER to realize it. I've been on this site since the old MNI. I think it was around 2002 or 2003-ish. And yet, when you look at my friends list, it's really not that long. Even shorter is the list of people who consider me their friend. There are people on this site I used to talk to on the old MNI who don't even remember me anymore.

I can list people who I have tried to befriend who never even replied to me when I posted in their CoS. I can give you a list of people who won't talk to me because I'm not "cool" enough. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I've seen people being treated like crap because they had the misfortune to be newbies and miss out on all the groupings and pairings up of the old MNI. Their only mistake was not discovering MNI soon enough.

I made the MNI Dynasty for three reasons:

1) Laughter
2) Unity
3) To lessen intimidation

1) Laughter is the cure for anything and everything. A lot of people found the MNI Dynasty amusing. Confusing, but amusing. <-- Hehe. Nice rhyme. Anyway, I thought it might brighten people's day. It was not meant to hurt anyone's feelings or anger them.

2) I wanted to give us all a sense of relating to each other more closely (however incestuous such closeness is). No, seriously.

Crap! Now I forgot everything I was gonna say. I started this before I went off to creative writing, and I'm trying to finish it up now. Not very easy.

3) there are people on this site who, however friendly, are intimidating.

OK, I give up. It's all gone. I swear that creative writing class is retarded. Some of the things people said, I was like, "what?" They're worse than Kima. They analyze like nobody's business.  I s'pose I could write an update about that.

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The power of the universe!



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Scrabble

OK, so I finally got to play my Scrabble game. So we're sitting there playing, and I'm all kicking ass. AWESOME!! Yeah, and then I have the letters QUA and others. And then I get a T and I'm trying to save it to make a good word, right. Well, in order to save that many letters I have to sacrifice other big words. So I'm putting down 3- and 2-letter words. Eventually Alex catches up with me. And then he passes me. Before I know it, I'm like 50 points behind. Then I'm stupid enough to say, "At least we didn't make a wager." He's all, "Loser goes and gets winner pancakes." They were giving out free pancakes. So in the end, I had to get my butt up and feel the stupid brat! Gentleman, my ass. Gah!

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So I'm sitting at Priority Seating



Anyway, I'm telling Alex that apparently I'm disabled. He's all, "You don't have to be disabled to sit there." I'm all, "It's OK. I qualify."

He's all, "Yeah, your disability is the inability to hear the word cat."

I'm all, "Huh?"

He's like, "Whenever someone says the word cat you draw a blank."

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Ooooh! It's so nice outside, Robo. Let's go play!

But I want to sit here and promote my newsletter.

Robo, we're not gonna have weather like this again 'til Spring.


Then let's play in the Spring

Please, Robo!

No!

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Dream Wedding

So I've got this idea that my dream wedding is going to be a masquerade ball. It would be in a hall that would look something like this:



And then my dress would be kind of like this:



or maybe like this:



And my masque would be this:



The cake is going to look like this:



And my man is going to be:


Look at that gorgeous face!

Just in case you didn't get it the first time 



OK, moving on.

Did I get everything?

ballroom: check
dress: check
masque: check
cake: check
man: check

That's all I need, right? Cool.

So it's gonna go something like this:

Guest will arrive, they'll drink the punch and wine (<--I really make myself laugh). ANyway, at 10:00 PM exactly we'll lock the doors, set up C4s around the place, tell everyone they're about to die, and blow everyone up.

  No really. When we close the doors at ten, I'll come down the beautiful staircase that you can't see from that first image, but it looks something like this, and everyone will 'Ooooh!' and "Ahhhhhh!" at me and the sexiness on my arm (Matt Damon). It will be awesome because I'll be having the sexiest man there! Yup, that's it.

Hey, don't look at me like that. You said dream wedding. That's my dream wedding!

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Stalker Alert

You guys will never guess who's in the library! My old stalker! You remember him? Creepy Alex? YEAH!! Ewwwww!

*stays calm* It's not like it really matters. It's Robo now, not Amira. Robo's so much feistier than Mira!

Amira: KIMA, HELP ME!!!!!!!!! He's sitting up front and I'm afraid if I leave he'll say something to me!

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Pissed Off Encounter Bites!

Don't ask. I don't know what's with the title. Anyway, I'm going to rant about Dana. She's annoying. I want to kill her at the moment. So yesterday we had Arabic class. Since I know Arabic pretty well, I was really bored. So I started writing a letter to poor Saeeda, my left-behind senior.

Well, about every five seconds, Dana would nudge me. I'd look up and be like, "huh?" and all she would do is glare at my letter. After about the fiftieth time, i was getting irritated! And it was irritating me that I was getting irritated because damn it, she's breaking through my Zen. I don't like people breaking through my Zen. 

So then the teacher paired the class up. I got paired with the guy on my right, Josiah. He's pretty cool. Anyway, Dana shoots me this glare, and I'm like, "What the heck? It's not my fault!" So then she's all, "you better behave." At that point, I was MAD...FURIOUS!!! Oh, my God, I about pounced on her and attacked her. I am not even kidding.

Excuse me, but who the hell is she to tell me to behave? She's not even RELATED TO ME! She's NO ONE!!! Do you hear me, Dana???????? NO ONE!

So then we go to Subway. We eat and stuff and I'm talking to her, telling her something my dad told me. When she dropped me off and came in to get her daughter, she told my parents, "I hear..." I was like, Oh, my God! Can she not keep her mouth SHUT?????? Yes, it was my mistake for telling her, but AGHHHH!!!! Oh man, I was mad. You have no idea.

And in the car, she was trying to tell me something. The thing it, she apparently can't just tell me something. She has to abuse me while she's doing it!

I hate her. I really do. I wish she would go back to Yemen or Wichita or ANYWHERE as long as it's away from me and my family. I swear she's a big part of the problems in our house!

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So I confronted Dana. It was a pathetic conversation. I had this whole thing planned. I was gonna lay into her like nobody's business. So I picked up the phone. Convo went like this:

Dana: Hello
Amira: Hey. What's up?
Dana: Not much.

*pause*

Amira: So I have an issue with you.
Dana: Oh boy.
Amira: Yeah well, you remember yesterday when you were hitting me?
Dana: Yeah...
Amira: Yeah well it was kind of embarrassing.
Dana: Oh, I'm sorry. I understand...blah blah
Amira: *reassures Dana it's OK...blah blah*

Yeah, that was it. Then it got all awkward and stuff. Here's the best part:

She came over later that day. Yeah well, apparently, she didn't get the message. Even though I said that I was talking about her hitting me during class, how thick can ya get! Oh Allah, pleasse help my soul.

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I always forget the best things. So yesterday we're driving home from school, and the car slides on ice. So I'm like, "Man, this car has terrible traction." Then a few seconds go by and I'm like, "I don't even know what that means, but I hear Mommy say it a lot."


I bet you would never guess my age after reading that.

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Entry Hehe

OK, so yeah. This is a blah entry... So Arabic class was fun yesterday. The teacher teamed us up boyus against girls. And that was awesome because Kamal (total hottie) had to move from the back to the front. So I could STARE at him. Oh yes, it was LOVELY! And then whenever the teacher would call on him, Dana and DaRhae would give me a look and a grin. I think I blushed, but it was fun. And then me and DaRhae hardly bother to lower our voices when we talk about him, so it's possible that he knows he is the object of me affection. Of course that puts him with about fifty other men.

So I have creative writing today. Yay...[/sarcasm]. See, last semester creative writing was fun because the teacher didn't force us to bring in anything specific. Now though...I have to write poetry when I'm not in the mood. So I actually wrote one, but then I used one of my old ones. I had to turn in two. Here's the one I wrote:

She wished she were dead
No, she wished her parents were
Her brothers were no better
Her boyfriend, a bother

She contemplated cutting
She thought of suicide
But the problems remain
It would do no good to hide

She found the courage to stand
The feeling so sublime
She trained herself to walk
One step at a time

At this point, I don't actually care if they criticize it. I wrote it in like five minutes, and it was inspired by a title I saw in Writers Are Liars: Late Night Thoughts in October. So yeah. Oh, speaking of poetry, I wrote a poem for Ben. Just let me find it...

Ben MacKadamien

Sexy as can be
He's a brother and lover
He's my favorite

Has a fiancee
I'm one of his favorite (Pfft. I better be, anyway)
He has six sisters

It's only role-play
He's not REALLY my brother
That's why he's sexy

I love to snog him
Kinky rules in COS!
Chamber of secrets

The awkward lines are because it's written in haiku form.

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Guess What!

I am sitting between two former creative writing classmates. And I saw James today. Coolest part is, he was talking to a guy from my current creative writing class, which, if you don't know, SUCKS!!

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Theatre Class -- 9:00 AM - 9:50 AM
OK, so really funny thing happened in Theatre class today. So Waheeb, a guy I went to high school with, walked in late. He was going to go sit at an empty table, but the teacher told him to join civilization and sit at my table, which had like, five people at it. Well, he's getting a chair, and bringing it over to our table when this girl at the table behind mine pipes in with, "Hey, you can sit here." And she shoos away the guy sitting next to her. At first I was all, "What the hell?" Then I saw her exchange a grin with one of the other girls, and I realized that she has the HOTS FOR WAHEEB!!! I wanted to burst out laughing, but that would have been rude...to Waheeb.

So we were reading the fables we had to bring to class. Well, one girl gets up and reads her fable. It was about a red hen. Anyway, so she's reading and she says something about a hen plant wheat. She didn't enunciate well, and at first I thought she said the hen was planting WEED. Like marijuana, you know? So I was like, o...k. But then Waheeb turns to a guy at his table and asks, "What did she say the hen was planting." I laughed. I couldn't help it. It was funny. She repeated it, and he was like, "Oh."

So after class (I was the first to leave), I walked out and I saw two guys heading toward me. I stood there for a few nanoseconds trying to figure out who they were. It finally clicked and I was like, durr! They're they guys from my Arabic class. I don't remember one of their names, but the other one (the hottie) his name is Kamal. Well, his Arabic name is, anyway. So I was all giggly...not really.

So yeah. 

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Theory on Feminism

So I have this idea. Basically it goes like this:

Women back in way when were oppressed and not given the same rights as men were. So the start complaining and fighting for right. Now they can vote, they can work, they can wear pants, etc...

Big change from what it used to be right. But we want more. We decide to keep going until we get paid the same wage men do. We want positions in office. We want to be president. Nothing wrong with that, right?

But what do we do once we get into office? We work to make the United States a matriarchal country instead of a patriarchal one. We continue to make it a woman's world.

Eventually we decide to give men a taste of their own medicine. We take away their voting rights, we make them stay home and take care of the kids while we make the money, we don't pay them well, we make them wear corsets to get rid of their flab, etc...

They take it for some time because, well, there's not much they can do about it. But then all that time staying home gets them bored and they start reading. They come across books that give them the history of how women came to power, and they decide to try it out. They fight, fight, FIGHT!

We feel a little sorry for them, so we agree that they don't have to wear corsets. After some time we decide that they've been behaving themselves, so we let them vote.

They start voting our asses out of office, and they start taking over. We notice the threat immediately, and so we fight back. Congress is now half men, half women.

The president cannot stop them when they declare a war to fight it out. So we take it to the battlefield. Even though there are twice as many women as there are men, the guys kick our butt.

They take over office, and they once again turn the world into a patriarchal universe. How sad... But that's not the end. The men decide that they've had enough of us, so they strip us of all our rights. It's once again as it was in the Middle Ages. Men have all the rights over us. They've decided that we don't deserve anything because we don't know how to stop while we're ahead.


Just a theory. Care to give me your thoughts? Care to even pop in here at all?

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An Entry

So we didn't have creative writing today. The teacher didn't come to class, so we gave her fifteen minutes and then bailed. I kinda made friends with the guy who sits next to me. We were making fun of these two girls who were talking about cars. It was pretty funny.

And so the cutie who sits behind me is Andrew. Interesting, huh? But the girl who sits next to Andrew already luffs on him. It is so amusing.

So yesterday in Arabic, I sat between Dana and DaRhae. the teacher moved me because she didn't want us talking. It was kind of embarrassing. Anyway, I admired Kamal the entire time. He is one hell of a hottie. *sigh* Me and Dana and DaRhae were joking around, and I said, "I'm gonna write an ode to Kamal." So I did.

Ode to Kamal

Beautiful face that brightens my day
My heart flutters when you walk my way
My toes tingle when I hear your voice
I'd marry you if I had a choice
I'd run my fingers through your hair
And everybody will stop and stare
We'll have a moment all our own
Me and you...all alone
Because you're hot and I like to admire
Your mere presence sets me on fire
I know it's all a dream that will go away
But I wish you'd bother to look my way

Hana called me a stalker. But I don't follow him around campus. It's more of a Dana/Amira/DaRhae kind of joke. Anyway, yeah. It's all nice and rainy out here. Blah.

Be Proud

“I love you. You know that, right?”

“Of course. I love you, too.”

Nagging

It’s a feeling. That’s all. I can’t get rid of it. I’m confused, and I hate it. I hate him, because he’s the one making me feel this way. But then, I don’t hate him. Not really. I feel something else for him. What, though? I don’t know. But I want to find out. Or maybe I don’t want to find out, because…what if it’s something I can’t handle. Something I can’t control…something far more dangerous to me than this confused and irrational unknown nagging emotion? What if it’s not him at all? What if it’s someone else? Is that even possible?

Maybe that someone else is close. Maybe because he’s so close, I’m being drawn to him, but I’m thinking it’s the other guy. Does that even make sense? Probably not. But I need it to make sense, because these evasive nagging emotions are killing me. I don’t know what to do. There’s nothing I can do. That’s the way it’s supposed to be, I guess.

Maybe it’s for the best.

Spinning

The world is spinning of its axis, and wouldn’t you know it’s because of a damn soap opera. The world has a certain order. Sure, there’s going to be a bit of chaos before the order is established, but it will be established one way or the other.

But no, she just can’t stay with one guy, and that guy is in love with that other girl because she left him for his dad, and then his dad married his ex, but that’s just because his son, the one with the blond gir,l went after her mom, while he was sleeping with her sister.

Does that sound like order to you? No. I didn’t think so. And yet even though the soap world is crazy, nobody ever resolves the issue. Why is that? Why in the world are women attracted to soap opera life? Is it because there is no excitement in their life? That doesn’t really make sense. Would they really want that kind of drama in their life? I just can’t seem to make sense of that.

Eating, sleeping, living…

My stomach feels like crap. My throat hurts like hell. I want more pizza, but I’m full. We ordered pizza for lunch. I have to go to school tomorrow to turn in my story for Shorelines (my school’s literary magazine).

I want to be a writer. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that on here before, although with me talking about Creative Writing so much it should be implied. But yes, I plan to become a published author. If anyone’s curious, I write fiction. I’m not entirely sure what kind of fiction I write, but I think it is young adult fiction. Alex thinks that’s the kind of stuff I am meant to write. I had always planned to be that sort of writer, anyway, and having him realize it makes me more certain of my ability. I had always been unsure of whether I could writer that well or not. Although my family and friends always said that I was good at it, I assumed that they just said that because it was their duty to say so because they love me.

And sure, there were times when my classmates didn’t always like what I wrote, but that was mostly when I went out on a limb and wrote something that I don’t usually write. Even then, though, the comments were not too negative.